1. |
Reflux
04:01
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"Here is every letter, every love note, every haunting memory
The ones you wasted with your hands wrapped around everything that breathes.
Be a better man than the ones you hate
The ink that bled, the tears I wept, the makeup running down my face
I've had enough of your excuses, I've had enough of your complaints
Sometimes hopelessness can be a self-inflicted pain"
"You get stuck in your own head
Dead set on the worst situations"
I swear, I swear, I hate what I've become
Free will seems a fiction when you live without love
You always say “the grey will fade”
Teach me how to grow, teach me how to change
Fault line, I am not yours
My beautiful, I've committed an act of treason on myself
I asked for your advice but I never thought to use your help
I can't remember the last time that I smiled
An understatement I know, I know it's been a while
I used to tell myself that I'd get better with the weather but the seasons have all passed and I'm still standing in the rain
Still searching for a way to change the color of the sky; I walk under it quite often and it’s still a shade of grey
I'm over feeling like teeth laid on concrete; stomped into submission with gums that always bleed
I refuse to ever be held back
Because a mind that spits regression is a mind that doesn't think
Swing low, swing fast
I refuse to be held back
I swear, I swear, I hate what I've become
Free will seems a fiction when you live without love
You always say "the grey will fade"
Teach me how to grow, teach me how to change
Teach me how to grow
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2. |
24
04:11
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“There’s only miracles in stories and I’m no lucky kid
It’s hard to heal a body but I know how to damage it”
“I’m sorry to let you down, I never meant it at all, I’m sorry to let you down
I’m sorry to let you down, it’s how it always goes, I’m sorry to let you down”
“One fix for the night I’ll save my others for the weekend
Take my picture, watch me fall as I sink into the deep
If history is serving, it is serving all it has
There’s no tourniquet in healing the wounds of a broken man
You tell me there’s hope, I rarely see the light of day
With blackened lungs and substanced blood I find it hard to believe”
“I’m sorry to let you down, I never meant to at all, I’m sorry to let you down
I’m sorry to let you down, it’s how it always goes, I’m sorry to let you down”
“Will you leave me like the drugs I take?
Shoot me up to numb the feeling
Rock bottom is a home to me
Cover me up and let me sleep
Saving face only worsens things
I'll be gone again for the holidays
Tell Grandma I love her so
But all my highest highs are all your lowest lows”
“I drank the poison despite the warning
It holds me tight and the noose on my neck, it chokes
It leaves me screaming, squirming, gasping for breath
Sometimes I think that I might find true purpose in death, I regret”
“The worry I left on a family unrest, one thing to another, an awful chain of events
All started from the day I was born, I should’ve known to never count on troubled friends, now you mourn for me”
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3. |
Behind Closed Doors
03:28
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In your closet check for monsters, is he in your bed with you?
Do you say you love him often?
Was it a one night stand and a wartorn hand?
Do you like living in a coffin?
I used to dream at night of my life by your side
I’d have been there in a heartbeat, you never said I need help, I need out now
I’m looking back at the bruises when I saw you, you shook on the phone
It was 3 am, you talked to him, I watched you tremble
It isn’t home if there’s no safety in your bedroom, the one protecting you, he destroys you
And there’s no getting around a man with bad intentions and a heart of black
It’s a decision made; engulfed in hate; the very scum you always vowed to stay away from
I’ll never get why anyone gives the time of day but he manipulates
And he shakes you deep to the core, I’ve never seen you this weak before
I hope when you sleep at night your dreams don’t hurt like your body does
Well, he’s a fucking coward
From the bottom of my heart with all the air in my lungs
You’re still beautiful despite what he’s done
There will never be a day you don’t cross my mind
I pray(I pray) I pray(I pray) you’re doing fine
He said his daddy died when he was young; teenage years with his head to a gun
Blindsided by the fact that his vices are far worse than his suffering these days
He’s taking out all his feelings now, you’re the recipient of misplaced anger
He used to be gold, he’s always been bold, but he’s taking a stand in the worst ways
Cash said "a love should be burning."
He never once said aching or hurting
There’s a pain in your eyes I see it
Behind an ocean of blue there’s a mountain of bleeding
I just wanted to stop the blood from spilling
You can wear your scar but you don’t have to be it
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4. |
Convict
03:23
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What is the difference between you and me?
We both have the same color of blood in our veins
We all have a structure, a body, a face
The skin that I wear is not a skin of hate
What worth is my apology?
Nothing will change if we don’t learn from our mistakes
Empathy is felt, never practiced and played
I wish everyone felt the same way
Retrace
Heal me
Pull us out of our deep rooted ways
Make believe there is no sting
Pretend it’s all nothing
No matter the context, no matter the space
It’s not okay
No matter the context, no matter the space
It’s not okay
There is no true concept of “better than” in a world walked by creatures ridden with flaws
Working with pieces of art, I see no reason to spit on a different one
It’s taken me trial and error to see I was not given the right to abuse
I am no better, I am no better, I am no better than any of you
I’ve gathered up these thoughts that we’re all just sorts of convicts hoping that someday, sometime, there’s no law to run from
With all that I’ve gathered I am no worse but I am no better than anyone
I am no better than anyone standing on any one side of the fence
I am no better than anyone at all
Make believe there is no sting
Pretend it’s all nothing
No matter the context, no matter the space
It’s not okay
No matter the context, no matter the space
It’s not okay
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5. |
A Hymn For Her
04:28
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Lost in the light, you're reaching higher than ever
Hosting the fight, you're a champion of years to come
Despite the parasite that plagues your mind, we all see you vividly
Remembering the liveliness that we held so tight until the day God took you back
I wish I could fill you in on who you used to be
I know you’re the same, I know that nothing’s changed
Age comes with a burden and the memories all burn
We share blurred faces defined from a distance
Tell me it’s a dream; wake me up when it's over
Tell me it's a dream; I'm not ready to let go yet
Locking my fingers in your palms I told you that I love you
I know you heard it
Seeing the shape I saw you in nearly startled me
I know you’re in good hands
Can you hear me?
Can you hear us?
We’ll be okay
Are you happy?
Are you listening?
I miss you
Tell me it’s a dream; wake me up when it's over
Tell me it's a dream; I'm not ready to let go yet
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6. |
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I am living in a state of disarray
Conflicted with the thought of my grave(where it will lay)
My time is short so I'm making this clear
I don't think I can live if I'm all that matters here
And I'm making the same mistakes that I've always made
Faithless in all my ways, stuck in a cycle of selfish hate
I used to hold my head up high and walk with purpose in the world
A boy of wonder, life, and courage; a reason to carry on
Make no mistake, I'll be okay
I've hit the bottom of the barrel before
I'm scared to leave my bed for fear of everything but sleep
Cherishing nothing but the apathy I forced down my throat 'cause I can't bare being sober
If my life is for someone else, what am I doing here?
I keep staring at the sky only knowing I'll disappear
God, let me fall away into a better place
Only you know the bed I've made
Am I too gone for repair?
I breathe in failure like it's my final source of air
How can I struggle with faith if I have none?
I relate to nothing but the dirt that I lay upon
Tucked beneath the soles of shoes, I'm scrubbed away then forgotten and sold for another's use
If my life is for someone else, what am I doing here?
I keep staring at the sky only knowing I'll disappear
We traded morals for money and dignity for attention
So set on a negative mindset that we forgot the feeling
The conversations I held were meaningless
The time I lived for nothing was time I wasted
Even if you're best acquainted with the traits you see as imperfect, I know you well enough to know you'll always be worth it
We spent far too much time just sitting, wallowing in the rain
Looking in mirrors everyday just to hate the face that looks back at us
That feeling is a poison and it travels through your veins
Swimming into your everyday, making a home where it doesn't belong
Fear and hatred are uncharted territory; yourself and the unknown can be the scariest place to get lost in
I lost it when I saw you burying yourself alive with pills that we're not prescription
Script a new scene where your vices are not the leading role
We're all made of defects but we have stories to be told
Without one the other is not quite as beautiful and beauty is in my eyes the best thing to behold
Care not of a person's past and things it entailed: Illness, addiction, abuse, and judgement; in your head or from someone you loved
You are more than anyone could've ever imagined and we have imagined it all
Whether you believe in nothing, yourself, the devil, or God, there is always a reason to carry on.
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avoid. Cedar Falls, Iowa
Five people trying to make the most honest music possible.
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