1. |
Father's Eyes
04:10
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I have my father's eyes and my mother's heartbeat
When the two collide, it feels a bit overwhelming
This isn't what I imagined
This isnt what I planned for
There is no way to heal the pain of watching all you love decay
I keep a journal to flush out my thoughts but publishing may be a grave mistake
Tell me, does the anguish keep you entertained?
She wore a white lace dress with her hair in waves
Lips red like the demons that she prayed away
Sought solace, saw the bottle, quickly swept her face
She walked away
My father was a coward, my mother dangled from his precipice
The days I went to church, trusting the lord, I never noticed it
If I did the things he did, carried on inside that vein,
Could I ever live it down? That vision I can't shake
Does a man reflect a bloodline?
Am I bound by that fate?
Am I designed to be a replica of an image that I hate?
Lace the words I write with urgency
My motivation with the same
May the liquid fill his veins with what she'd never dare to say
A wake; a shame; a page; a stain
A frame without a picture; some bruised and barren thing
Some fully made up face only existing in your sleep
A love you fucking wasted
You force the touch but it can't breathe
Soil my blood, you're not my father
(These eyes)
Soil my blood, you're not my father
(These eyes)
Leave me behind; leave me to suffer
(These eyes)
Leave me behind; leave me forever
Pray all you want, I still have your eyes
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2. |
Mercy
02:51
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You watched her die. You washed your hands
The guilt I know you felt; It stains. It stands.
Shrouded in collapse the world falls silent when she speaks.
One last plea. Beg for mercy.
My mind stays rooted in the past.
Froze that still shot of your smile when her lines went flat.
I took th money that you’d spend on girls for a thrill; bought a diamond ring to keep on mom’s side of the bed
Call me a cancer
You left your love dying in the dust
Don’t call; you know I wouldn’t answer
I can’t bare to hear you call me your son
In the midst of it all; in the thick of it all
Did you ever think that some things were sacred?
When you took off that ring; when you slid off her dress
Did you ever miss the way that she loved you?
I can picture the house; I can still see the scene
You’d tuck me in and say “I’ll see you tomorrow”
With a calm in your eyes; with a peace to the place
You’d turn around and whisper “Honey, I love you”
Find deliverance
Close the curtain one last time
What’s the point in anything
When all of love is a fucking lie
Call me a cancer
You left your love dying in the dust
Don’t call; you know I wouldn’t answer
I can’t bare to hear you call me your son anymore
Don’t call
Don’t call
Let the bullet speak
Let her spirit ring
Don’t call
Don’t call
Let repentance speak
Let her body bleed
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3. |
Parasite
02:28
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Nothing is real. I knew when I looked my mother in the face
I kicked, l begged. I fought just to stay out of my way
But I drown beneath the absence. Clawing at my skin, I struggle to say
Everything's manipulating itself to be a shape that won't fit the space
But you
Parasite
Bleed me dry until you feel you are fed, until nothing worth saving is left.
Then I can try to tell myself there’s a purpose in opening my eyes for a moment again.
Pray that tomorrow brings change, or that it ceases to exist.
If I’m afraid of everything, will nothingness be bliss?
Help me.
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4. |
Home
04:07
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Will you linger with your spirit?
Will you stay with me tonight?
My left hand behind my back, I will shake when I try
To force write pages and expose myself a lie
And hide behind portrayal through a character that leads my life
Did I exaggerate it?
When the ink runs out, what am I good for?
Anything at all?
Am I meaningless without this?
Am I the boy that you wanted?
Did I turn out the way you hoped?
Was I a mistake, a let down, a pill that you can't swallow
We play pretend that we're not real, intoxicate and then forget
Salivating at the thought that self-abuse is masked respect
You were never there
I leaned on you the most
If the blood lacks a meaning
Should I cut this rope?
Place your hands around my neck
Press hard until I choke
With a bottle at night, I tried
I thought I could honor your ghost
Breathing life into my bloodline
A lesson learned an addict's fear
One day the dosage spits me out into a place I can't disappear
My body ain't a temple, just a place to wash my sins
They don't leave, and I don't pray
I will pay for forgiveness
I'll pay for the touch
We become what we create
I've made a mess
Pull me out of this spotlight
Bury me under the floorboards
Step on me
Give me what I deserve
As my last request, burn every picture, scatter my bones
When a storm comes and wipes out the foundation
You'll find me in the dirt
This is home.
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5. |
Lullaby
02:04
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“Another note from the hospital”
It’s the second time this week.
I’m beginning to feel I’ve scared you. I’m beginning to fear you see me weak.
I hope that you’ll forgive me for the pain and the trouble caused.
I hope you know through all of this, I’ll always be your...
You don't have to watch me wither
You can turn your head and leave
I won't hate you
You're a part of me
“I can barely move my hand to write the words that you read.
The ink poured out like tears from eyes when you woke from a bad dream.
Humming lullabies until you’d close your eyes and sleep.
If I had the choice, my boy, I’d never choose to leave.
But we don’t have time’s luxury and everything ends.
Don’t forget who taught you, raised you, loved you ‘til the end.
If I could hold you in my arms before my final rest, I would just be honored to be your mother for a breath.
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6. |
Regret
03:35
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I am the twist in your gut
I am the ache in your feet
The burden carried along
The punishment you received
I am the dust in your eye
The party you should’ve left
The words you wished you’d have said
I am the boy you regret
I am always stuck in limbo with the patterns repeating under my eyelids
Staple them shut
So my existence is tied tight to nothing but what I have grown to know
A vacant feeling. side to side inside my head I’ve grown numb to the abuse
I used to believe in God
But that coward should’ve taken me before he took the the ones I love
I sit and wait inside my cell
Heaven come or heaven don’t, just lay me in the ground
Home becomes a captor, it’s been polluted with dead air
Fleeing is a dream but I can’t make it out there
Awake to morning light
Hum the sound of solace
See in black and white
Whisper in my ear
Dress me up today
I don’t wanna feel
I don’t wanna be me
Lead me down those stairs
Push me out your door
I don’t wanna see the sun
I don’t wanna see
Scream into my ear
Set the place a blaze
There is no one.
There is nothing.
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avoid. Cedar Falls, Iowa
Five people trying to make the most honest music possible.
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